Sunday, 5 January 2014

DIARY An Old Entry: Home. Majorca Island, 2011

What to say when there is nothing you want to say

Look, I do not care about the weather. I know it's raining, and if you know it too, there's nothing else to add. Can you photograph the nothingness? Can you not be from? I ask because I would love to be from nowhere. Can you walk to no place? Can you walk to no place, naked? I mean, is it possible to be without dressing? and what does dressing mean? and undressing? Undressed: nudist, exhibitionist or fresh from the shower- what a bottom. Dressing: it depends. Tie, professional; Dr. Martens, punk or simple hipster, Prada, high purchasing power or just a wanna-be.

At five o'clock , coffee with Obama. From what will be deduced you will never find me dining with the opposition. Such a good friend of my friends, such a good enemy of my enemies. Such a good enemy of the enemies of my friends. Either you're with me or you're against me. The right or the left. Not a tory, not labour, not even a liberal. Will you not be in the middle?

When she slept with Larry, she knew she actually loved Marieta, but she needed to make herself sure, sure of what? Then she realised she did not love her either. Why would you make a choice, Diana? 

You either love, or not love. 
But, really, who are you in love with? 
Is it possible not to love? 
Can you not feel a special attachment to anyone? 

At the time, Larry told his friends about her, and of course, they said it was clear that she only liked women. Boyfriends or girlfriends. Are you bisexual? Oh, no, open-minded? Those are even worse!

A particular appreciation of asexuality. 
I must have been conceived by mitosis. 

Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin? 

Meat or fish?
I am not hungry. I am a social eater (as those who describe themselves as social smokers. )
I rather photosynthesising under the sun.  

Should I get up or no need to bother? If I get up, I'm active, if I get to study, I'm also responsible, even productive. If I keep scratching my tummy, it is clear that I am just lazy.

Jacobins or Girondins? But all are radicals and they all shout: death to the king!
Somebody kill me, please. 
And someone save me, please. 
I cannot make up my mind between life or death.

Some people expend their money on drugs. 
Some others on psychologist, psychiatrists. 

Counseling on their past. Sniffing their futures. 

What is the face of indifference?  Does indifference have a negative connotation? Why is it so important to be on the positive side? We are good or we are bad.  Aren't we? We are.
I would love to be neutral, I'd love not to be. 

Can you exist and not be?
Living implies standing on a side. 
I was born in the middle.
I believe I was not born at all.

Oh, no.

A self-portrait I took after writing on my diary that day. I was upset.  2011.


Elena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elena-H said...

Diana thought:
One sided, two sided
Where were you when you wanted to be everywhere?
Split personality.
Whose side are you on when you wanted to please everyone?
Those you forsook for the sake of others
You miss what you never had
Who might talk to you now
Misplaced, replaced, displaced

Coco Capitán said...

and nowhere is my favourite place on the world.

Thank you Elena, whoever you are.

Elena-H said...

That I wish I knew. Someone new in every mirror I find I guess...

Not at all!

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